'Don't talk to me ever again': Girlfriend Devastates Ex After Coming Out as a Lesbian, Begs Him for Forgiveness During a Run-In at the Gym

Author image for Blake Seidel
Blake Seidel • Managing Editor & Brand Manager
Mar 10, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Okay ladies, strap in for a wild ride because this article is a doozy. Love is a complicated thing, and so are our dating preferences. Let's give you a run-down of this article first: A woman in a nearly three-year relationship realizes that she is a lesbian, but avoids talking about it with her boyfriend for the last six months of their relationship. She finally gets the courage to tell him, and it breaks him (emotionally). He cuts off all contact, blocks her on social media, etc. Of course, she had to have a tough conversation to do what was right for her, but she should have brought it up instead of lying for half a year.

Turns out that they go to the same gym. She confronts him for closure, only to be met with the cold shoulder. She continues to try to talk with him at the gym when he finally says something like, "Please do me a favor and never talk to me again", to which she is surprised. The moral of this story is that consent includes conversations as well. Each person in this situation is doing what they have to to protect their hearts, she coming forward about her preference for women, and him protecting his heart after being lied to. 

Like we said, love is complicated, but these kinds of stories can help us learn about how there is always more than way to look at a situation, and it's important to always take other people's feelings into account.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    for "breaking" my ex when i come out as a lesbian?
    via Reddit
  • 02
    I have been with my ex (Alex fake name because he is here on Reddit too) for 3 years and it was always difficult to say the less. I have always been bi and thought that i liked males and females for almost all my life until 2 years ago. My parents always accepted my "diversity" and gave me the max support by the beginning. When i met Alex i told him about my sexuality and he was fine. For 2 years our relationship was great, we had many things in common, many interests, hobbies and we were going
    via Reddit
  • 03
    Alex was one of those super romantic guys that believes in the charming prince, eternal love, super sweet and always made me feel special and unique and i loved him for that.
    via Reddit
  • 04
    But then something in me changed in the last year of our relathionship. After 6 months i understood that i was attracted to women and not to guys but always feared Alex's reaction to this and my parents too. So for 6 months i tried to avoid intimacy with Alex using some excuses but decided to tell this to my parents and they accepted it immediatamente telling me that they love me for how i'm and that my sexuality is fine how i feel it and it was a big relief for me. But then they asked me if i t
    via Reddit
  • 05
    So after work he was supposed to come to my house to "have a talk" and for 2 hours, before his arrival, i was rehearsing the best speech to make to say this nicely that i could but things went in the complete opposite way.
    via Reddit
  • 06
    When he arrived the worst happened. I basically told him that the lack of our intimacy was because i finally understood that i'm lesbian and not bi. He was in shock and didn't said anything for 1 hour while i was talking and became pale. After i finished he just asked me "there is a woman yet that you like and hangout with?" i replied honestly and told him that there is a girl in our gym that i feel attracted to but didn't talked with her yet. His response left me shocked "of course you didn't a
    via Reddit
  • 07
    After 1 hour of me crying and asking myself what i did wrong, because i tried to be more gentle and nicer that i could, i tried to text him but he blocked my number and any account on my social. He cut me out completely in 1 hour living me in shock and desbelief. Some months later i met our mutual friends and when i asked them if they knew something about Alex they told me that he never replied to any of their texts and calls for months and stopped to hang out with them. I can understand the sho
    via Reddit
  • 08
    Finally i saw him at our gym and i was dating the girl that i liked and when i tried to get near to him to have a talk he completely ignored me like i was invisible and continued to work out.
    via Reddit
  • 09
    So we come to a week ago when i met him again but this time he was extremely changed. He was like another person. Extremely jacked and fit, long beard but again ignoring me so i decided to have a serious talk with him. I cornered him at the gym and decided to have a serious talk but he didn't even listened to me while i was talking and was warching around until he said "listen do me a favor and don't talk with me again. I stopped dating after you because you broke something in me and i can't and
    via Reddit
  • 10
    like you did." And then he walked away. I cried a lot that day because i can't understand how it's my fault. I mean it was already difficult for me to accept myself and my sexuality and i tried to be more nicer and gentle that i could with him but from the anger in his voice it felt like i insulted him or said something extremely bad when i didn't. It's true that he never dated again after me but i can't stop asking myself if it's really my fault or not. Watching him changing so much really hurt
    via Reddit
  • 11
    unbelievable. I mean his IG account was all about love, compassion, swetness, dog pics and all this nice things but now is just about don't trust anyone, against everything, always sad and depressed photos. So it's my fault to "breaking" him??? Should i feel this way??? Edit: i can't believe it, he just canceled from Reddit!!! i did wrong??? I was talking with him without saying nothing bad and he just canceled his profile??? Why???
    via Reddit
  • 12
    Impossible_Ask_3564 27d ago Jesus, just leave the guy alone, you broke up with him, it's not his job to make you feel ok about that. YTA to keep pursuing him when he didn't want to speak to you ↑ 7.1K ↓ ↑ Share
    via u/Impossible_Ask_3564
  • 13
    SarahJayneBritney 27d ago YTA leave the guy alone get a hint. From one lesbian to another back off. It's weird
    via u/SarahJayneBritney
  • 14
    Somebodyslapmeh 27d ago Consent includes conversations too! You don't get to decide what healing looks like for him, including trying to force him into a serious conversation. Not cool. YTA. Go live a happy life, he will get there eventually. Best of luck.
    via u/Somebodyslapmeh
  • 15
    JealousBed1807 27d ago YTA. Look, you were confused and learning about yourself and you didn't mean to hurt him. Fair enough. But you did hurt him. While you spent six months knowing that you weren't attracted to him, he spent six months wondering what he did wrong while you pulled away and avoided intimacy like he was the literal plague. You lied to him and let him pay the price of your cowardice in not telling him the truth. After lying to him for that long the specific words you used to tell
    via u/JealousBed1807
  • 16
    Sometimes in life there are things that are just going to really hurt someone you care about, and this was one of those situations. With the benefit of hindsight, next time the best and only thing you can do is to be honest right away in your relationships even it's painful.
    via u/JealousBed1807
  • 17
    alicat777777. 27d ago You did hurt him and you did deceive him because you stayed with him for too long and just avoided physical contact for 6 more months after you knew! It's fine that you came to the realization but you then stayed for way too long. You pretended to love him and want to be with him.
    via u/alicat777777
  • 18
    So of course he felt blindsided. My friend went through the same thing with his ex. He kept questioning why he couldn't get closer to her after 2 years of being together. Then she told him and he felt used, humiliated and angry that he wasted so much time with someone who could never really love him. That was his feelings and they were valid, no matter what she was going through on her own journey.
    via u/alicat777777
  • 19
    Blade_982 27d ago You need to walk away. What he does, doesn't do, believes, doesn't believe is none of your concern. Don't confront him. Don't corner him. Don't check his social media. Just leave it be. It's monumentally unfair to him. You're dating the woman you had a crush on whilst you were with him. Rightly or wrongly, he thinks you betrayed him.
    via u/Blade_982
  • 20
    Many_Ad_7138. 27d ago Why do you feel responsible for how he is grieving? Yeah, you broke his heart but you're not responsible for how he takes it, or heals from it. What he has become is not your fault, and in no way are you responsible for his grieving. This is his choice. He is stuck in the anger stage of grieving. There is nothing for you to do. Why do you expect to stay in contact with him after the breakup anyway? Do you normally do that? It's not compassionate to stay in touch with someon
    via u/Many_Ad_7138
  • 21
    grieve the end of your relationship with him? Did you complete the grieving process? Why do you feel a need to stay in touch with him? When a relationship ends, it's as if the other person has died. Emotionally, they are dead. The relationship died, your future with them died, and all of your closeness with them has died. This all has to be grieved just as if they had literally died. Grieving is an emotional process. It is not intellectual. If you have not done that, then you're not complete. Yo
    via u/Many_Ad_7138
  • 22
    As I said, you are not responsible for how he grieves, nor what he becomes after the breakup. He's going to blame you because he's in the anger phase. This has nothing to do with you. Do your own grieving, disconnect from him completely, and leave him alone as he requests. Stop trying to control him by staying near him. You need to let go of him completely and the fact that you feel the need to contact him means that you have not completed the grieving process. You're not done yet. You have work
    via u/Many_Ad_7138
  • 23
    27d ago It is in part your fault, there's no point in denying it. You're so much about "you" in this situation that you aren't really thinking about him. SHIROYUKI Everything you did was how best to make you look in the best light. There was never going to be an easy way to tell him, and then after a year you still tried to talk to him. Why? You should've left him TF alone, but there's probably a part of you that feels guilty for this for whatever reason, and seeing the way he is now makes you w
    via u/SHIR0YUKI
  • 24
    You could've had good intentions by cornering him (imagine if you the genders were reversed how much you'd be getting btw), but doesn't seem likely.
    via u/SHIR0YUKI
  • 25
    sosaidme 27d ago The way you framed the question is annoying. The issue isn't necessarily about "breaking" someone because you came out as lesbian. I think it's instead about you failing to respect his physical boundaries and not considering his pain may stem from something beyond you and your sexuality. You are making this about you instead of considering the needs of your former long-term partner. He's allowed to grieve the loss of his 3-yr relationship and future plans in a way that suits him
    via u/sosaidme

Tags

toxic relationships lgbtq relationship advice gym lesbian forgiveness devastate ex boyfriend reddit story conversation relationships girlfriend consent
Scroll Down For The Next Article